August 22nd  -  63,050 notes  -  O

oomshi:

on a serious note I’m cute 

reblogged 1 day ago  (© oomshi)
August 22nd  -  167,721 notes  -  O

anonymousnerdgirl:

eattheclones:

i hope one day there is a halloween party where daniel radcliffe goes as frodo baggins and elijah wood goes as harry potter 

imagine the havoc

imagine the photos

Only if Ian Mckellen goes as Dumbledore and Michael Gambon goes as Gandalf.

reblogged 1 day ago  (© eattheclones)
August 22nd  -  42,016 notes  -  J
reblogged 1 day ago  (© best-of-memes)
August 22nd  -  135,909 notes  -  J

ap0calypses:

A Koala reflecting on his sins, his triumphs, and the inevitability of death.

me

reblogged 1 day ago
August 22nd  -  286,377 notes  -  O

chekhov:

Does Canada even have a president or is it just whichever moose has the strongest antlers

reblogged 1 day ago
August 22nd  -  1,211,891 notes  -  O

The “yes or no” game

You can ask me anything and I’ll answer honestly, but only with yes or no.

reblogged 1 day ago  (© hxxt)
August 22nd  -  176,412 notes  -  J

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

I AM THIS ALLIGATOR

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ADULT

reblogged 1 day ago  (© emildeville)
August 22nd  -  327,305 notes  -  J

jcscheeks:

"Why’d i just say that?"

reblogged 1 day ago  (© pottorffscheeks)
August 22nd  -  8,309 notes  -  J
reblogged 1 day ago  (© burgertv)
August 22nd  -  180,646 notes  -  J

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

reblogged 1 day ago  (© mythchief)